Food for Thought

Since my first entry started with dishes I thought it only right to talk about family meal time. You may be tired of hearing people talk about the importance of family meal time, but I really do think it is essential and is becoming a thing of the past in today’s busy world. Working all day and running kids around can make it difficult. When our kids were young, meal time was early in the evening: after work but before baths. As they started school and got busier, our meal time grew later. I didn’t even have an Instant Pot in those days! Honestly, by the time they were in high school we sometimes ate at 8pm. It wasn’t great, but that is when we got home after everyone’s activities. People snacked in the early evening, and because we planned ahead, it worked. A family dinner doesn’t have to mean everyone is at the table at 6’o’clock on the dot like your mother might expect. Believe me, I got earfuls from my mother about how late we ate. Sometimes we did eat in shifts, and sometimes it was fast-food, but when we could, we sat and ate together and connected. I see now the fruits of my labor. Meal time is still a big deal when we are together. When the kids are home, we will sit and talk at the table long after the meal is done.

Why is it important? If you don’t believe me, Google it! There are numerous articles in the last few years from the American College of Pediatricians, Stanford Children’s Heath, and the Washington Post, to name a few. There is literally something called The Family Dinner Project! I have to say, reading these articles confirmed what my experience with my kids growing up around the family table taught me. Eating as a family means you are making time together a priority. It is a chance to teach table manners and to connect with each other with no devices or screens. Research has shown eating as a family at the table has many benefits. Children learn to eat a more balanced diet and develop their vocabulary through dinnertime conversation. Teens engage in less risky behaviors, and relationships within the family are more satisfying. These are only a few of the many positive outcomes of regularly eating meals as a family.

I am not here to shame you if you are not having regular meals as a family but a family meal several times a week does make a huge difference in the life of your family. If you are doing it good for you; see this as confirmation it is worth the effort. If you are not doing it, I want to encourage you to try at least a few times a week and to realize there really are benefits. It will be worth your time. An easy was to make time in your busy schedule is to figure out even one day a week where a family meal might work for you, and add from there. An ideal goal to shoot for would be at least three meals each week. Maybe an easy time for your family is Sunday nights as you prepare for the week. A Sunday dinner can be a time to review what’s coming in the week ahead, like appointments, sports, and other activities. This way, everyone knows what is going on in the upcoming week. Perhaps Saturday morning is a time when you are usually together. This breakfast can become a nice ritual and a way to start the weekend before any activities and errands hit. Then, pick one night or morning during the week when everyone can be together, and you have your third installment.

Let me share what I realized over 25 years of family meals. What is important is the connection you make with each other. Some of the young adult clients I see now are not even eating and connecting with their partners. Everyone is watching Netflix or on their phones and the table, if there is one, has become a place to dump stuff. As much as I love my electronic devices, I do think they are killing our human connection to each other. Do everyone in your family a huge favor and take the screen out of the scene and connect to each other. You will be setting a good example, and hopefully your kids will connect with their own children one day.

I keep saying family meal because it doesn’t have to be dinner. If someone works late in your house it can be breakfast. You can make breakfast food for dinner. It doesn’t have to be a three course feast. What you serve isn’t what is important. How you serve it isn’t important. Among the ease and accessibility of fast food or junk food, I do think healthy meals should be the plan, but it doesn’t always have to be homemade, and if you occasionally sit together with take out, it is fine.

I do highly recommend one meal for all. My kids didn’t always like what I made, but there was one meal, and they ate it if they were hungry. I didn’t make each of them their favorite, and then something for my husband and myself. I knew people who did that, and it sounded truly exhausting. There is research to show that at times kids eat in bursts. If they are hungry, they eat. I made my children try everything and sit at the table for a certain period, but if they didn’t eat, that was their choice. They were athletic in school and are now strong and healthy, so I don’t feel that there was any harm done. By middle and high school, once they had tried everything, they were allowed to get up and make themselves a peanut butter sandwich. I mixed in less popular meals with their favorites. They complained some, but we tried not to make it a war zone. Here is the thing: now they thank me. They thank me because they will try anything and are not afraid of different kinds of food. They like healthy food like fish and vegetables. They like to cook and plan meals for themselves, and we all share ideas for new meals to try. They have friends who will only eat a few things and never try something new, and that frustrates them. They have commented that while they didn’t like some of the meals I made then, they do now, and they see the point in trying new things. Did I love when they complained about a meal? No, but parenting is about the long game, not just the now, and the proof is on the plate.

Meal time was about more than what we ate. We also enjoyed great conversation. We heard about their days and assignments, struggles and successes, highs and lows. They each had our and each other’s full attention. We talked about things going on in our community and the world. We laughed frequently. Sometimes the conversation was stressful. Do I think I always knew everything about my kids? No, but I knew a lot about their lives. When they are home now, sitting at the table is still important. They are frustrated by people who are in a rush to leave a table in the middle of a good conversation. I would like to think family meal time has made them better able to converse and interact with their peers, colleagues, and friends.

Because meal time at home was so important, we carried that to restaurants as well. Now, if we are out together, the girls often ask that phones be put away. Meal time is important family or social time, even to these 20 somethings. As I said before, parenting is about the long game, not just the now. Meal time is a step in that direction. Feel free to comment or ask questions. I am here for you. You got this! Go have dinner.